mental health

This tag is associated with 12 posts

Focusing on the Unfocus

  I sat in the darkness knowing it had been a waste of money and I would understand very little of what was going on.  If I focused on the pictures, I lost the sound.  If I concentrated on the sound, the pictures blurred immediately.  I had no ability to integrate the two.  Such a … Continue reading

A Hug in Time Saves 9

Reshared from my FB page earlier this week: Yesterday was World Mental Health Day. In 2009, I was diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder and I laughed. Within a single session of first meeting me, a Pine Rest therapist named it. After some thought and years of perspective looking at symptoms it fit. My first mania … Continue reading

Neck Deep Nightmare

Madness is hidden in depths of mind, not seated at Starbucks with a latte and laptop, inviting sweet situation. The raw and rough remains of what lies left instructs me to tear at tight clothes, take off restrictions, and wear a loose facade. We move like ghosts, cascading over sidewalks, unable to touch solid. If … Continue reading

Wilderness of Self

Morning claws at my intellect crying for sense, through freight train thoughts. If only I could reach the emergency brake.   Music and I won’t be friends today.  From bad club mixes to chill jazz, my mind would have none of it.  I felt raw and it scrubbed like an abrasive.  A giant steel wool … Continue reading

Manic Massage

As the 86 degree sun slices into my skin, I feel that summer may turn ugly. Two years ago, I spent the season subjected to electro-convulsive therapy for a depression that refused to unhand me. I started to fear the late Spring and early Summer since it seemed to kick off something evil in me. … Continue reading

Loneliness is a Virtue

Loneliness is a Virtue mrrogers 11.22.13   I’m a dry stale bagel who longs for rich cream cheese to slather my sides.   Recently, I admitted myself to a psychiatric hospital for a mixed bipolar episode. I stayed a week within the confines of a locked facility among peers with similar and not so similar … Continue reading

A Question of When

Usually, I know when to go into the hospital. I’m drowning in tears which shoot off my face into tissue. I see things. I hear things. I’m extremely suicidal. Despair isn’t a word that even comes close to describing the state of mind that I find myself in. So, what if you can feel it … Continue reading

37 Degree Sunshine

I began the week with a very bad cold—the kind that keeps you in bed for at least one full day with cough medicine and cough drops taken regularly along with hot tea. I knew I was getting better this morning when I could drink a couple cups of mocha flavored coffee instead.   The … Continue reading

Grinding Black

For the past month, anxiety has visited me each morning bringing the fruits of sweaty palms, upset stomach, and trivial worries to my plate. As a result, I’ve been skipping breakfast since my appetite laid quiet within the confines of my gut. I struggle to write about the experience as it seems so fleeting and … Continue reading

A Dark Night for All

As a person who struggles with mental illness, I have dealt with suicidal thoughts and even made plans to carry out suicide. It’s been a lifelong issue for me that goes back to age 14. I can remember being profoundly depressed when I was young and I was quietly convinced that suicide was my only … Continue reading

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Queen of the bad haircuts with coffee for blood.