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Shooting Nightmares out of My Heart

“But new love only lasts so long, and then you crash back into the real people you are, and from as high as we were, it’s a very long fall, and we hit the ground with a thud.”
Marya Hornbacher, Madness: A Bipolar Life

What Marya Hornbacher describes is the descent from mania into depression. People without bipolar disorder have never experienced such a thing, such a wide drop in mood. My own experiences with it are waxing brilliant into the folds of death. One day you are doing everything and in love with the world and the next you can’t nearly move from the couch to get the ice cream out of the freezer.

I especially love music when I am manic. It swirls around in my head and the songs repeat again and again. My music of choice this mixed episode has been industrial/synth pop music like Ministry, Assemblage 23, and Terminal Choice. A favorite is Everyday is Halloween by Ministry. The non-conformist in me is pleased with the lyrics which decry the abuse which different people suffer as a result of simply being themselves.

My train of thought is a little short this week, so I’ll get to the point and post this poem from 2012 that sort of illustrates the bipolar brain. It’s up for debate. If you agree or disagree, post a comment and below with your own poem and I’ll consider your argument. 🙂

Tonight is Here


1.29.12/ rev 1.30.12—1.31.12

Tonight I want to board a train to a black hole

and shake the shit out of the leftovers.

Tonight I want to spiral my flesh off with a fork

and walk away from a fashioned fight.

Tonight I want to stick rocks in sauce

and leap across punishing revolt.

Tonight I want to blanket soil with skeleton

and sulk back into selfish postures.

Tonight I want to pinwheel into sleep

and shoot nightmares out of my heart.

Tonight I want to fish with metal stick

and shock the pond massacre black.

About missyrogers

Lifelong Michigander, early 40s, craft addict, chihuahua collector, coffee drinker, recovering human being, bipolar I, electronic music lover, bullshit caller, 5' tall, my blood is organic, and I refuse to be anything else. I will write until I die.


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