I apologize for my absence on this blog as of late. I try to squeeze in two entries a month but that didn’t happen this month. My husband’s cancer treatment has taken over my life and I haven’t really felt much like writing.
Today, I fired up the tunes (Paramore, Orgy, Florence and the Macine, Mudvayne, Dead by Sunrise, and AWOLNATION) and attempted to write a poem, which I will share here with my dear readers.
Falling from a hellacious high,
the manic depressive suffers so
bitterness of normal starves the
body, drains the veins, and floods
the brain with blank dreams.
Where once bright pretty explosions
of dear loving happy special lived,
a hollow grey rainbow sits stuffed
with orgasmic memories.
Every day reality is pounding rain
searching for reasons to go on
waiting for the electric grip to zap
the wrist and start up the brain.
This poem details a normal mood for someone with bipolar disorder. The idea is that it’s a basic letdown compared with the experience of mania in which everything seems like that exact part of a song you really love and want to play over and over again. I’ve only experienced mania three times in my life but it lasted for months when it did before crashing into depression. Currently, I’m living with a balanced normal mood which is bland with the basic ups and downs that the average person deals with.
Don’t get me wrong. I love that my condition is managed and under the control but to say that I miss the magic of viewing the world as extremely colorful and tingly. It’s hard to describe to someone who has never seen the world through that lens but I hope that this poem comes close.